Thank you, Mr. Lee

Jasmine Lau

While we cry and weep for his death, cherishing and reminiscing the time when he was alive and honouring his deeds, I believe what Mr. Lee would really want us to do is to carry on his legacy, carry on to make Singapore a better and better place to live in.

From his life, I learnt so many things. His courage, determination, self-discipline, and even his wittiness. He lived until 91, but in his life, what he had contributed to the world in a couple of years could easily exceeded what I had given out of my whole life.

He did not take a normal nor easy path. He did not tell himself to “stay out of trouble and danger” for his family and his own’s sake, and not go into politics but just stayed in his law firm. While making the decision whether to separate from our neighbouring country…

View original post 116 more words

Today, Lee Kuan Yew has passed away.

My post on my personal blog. 🙂

Jasmine Lau

Today, Lee Kuan Yew has passed away.

He had been struggling for survival for the last few days, or would I say, months. When I knew about, I wasn’t all that surprised. He was at a ripe old age of 91, and has already passed the age of a normal life span. I would even go as far to say that, he was blessed to have lived until now. But my heart still went out a little for them when I saw Mr. Lee Hsien Loong posting a their family portrait that was taken in the year of snake. The portrait was from 2 years ago, and they didnt get to take one this year- because Mr. Lee was hospitalised.

Weeks ago, I started seeing facebook posts that said, the world should let Mr. Lee go. He had done enough and it’s time for him to rest in peace. But…

View original post 823 more words

Music

I love listening to songs. I never understood why I somehow love it more than the rest of the people, but recently I’m getting enlightened.

When I listen to a particular song, the time stood still. It didn’t just stood still, the emotion that was evoking into my body, my soul stood still together with time. When we go through the normal routine in life, our body and our mind isn’t in sync most of the time. While we perform our daily task like a robot, our mind probably’s miles away– either far back into our past memory, or dreaming about our ideal future. Worse still, we might be worrying the present problem, how it’s gonna be the end of the world.

But when I’m listening to a certain song, I stayed right at that place where I wanna be. When I wanna be in love, I stayed right that with that song till the last note, enjoying love even when I don’t have anyone with me. When I wanna feel hyped up, I listened to that girl power song repeatedly, enjoyed how it pumped up my mood. Because let’s admit it, most of the time in life, we have a million things going on in life that it’s so hard to focus, even when you have the love of your life right in front of you, you sometimes can’t bear even for a moment to wonder if there’s any incoming text messages/emails on your phone.

On a side note (mostly serves as a reminder for myself), it’s time I faced the fact that I am more of an emotional person as a logical person, and I probably have chosen the wrong path in my career. While I can’t go cold turkey and take a 180 degree change, because I have to face the fact I’m not professionally train in my artistic area, I will practice regularly and train up on that. 🙂

Simplicity of Life

Tags

, , ,

I haven’t been following Buddhism Boot Camp for quite a while now, but I read a Facebook posting just now, and now I’m inspired.

Maybe it’s meant to be, because of how Facebook works these days, I’ve not been seeing posts from BBC for quite some time, and have long forgotten about it. Today, the boyfriend bought a new phone and while I was scrolling through his FB, this was the post I read–

My dad wanted to see what my life was like after years of hearing me talk about being a minimalist and simplifying my life. I told him that to TRULY understand it, he’d have to come live with me for a month, so he did. He is very much the materialistic consumer, so when he first walked into my little apartment he said, “OMG! You don’t have anything!” But after living with me for a month, preparing my meals with me, going for long walks every day, reading, writing, meeting with people one-on-one, etc., and truly tasting the simplicity of my life, he looked me in the eyes before boarding his flight back home and said, “There is nothing missing from your life!”. It brought tears to my eyes because he actually got it… both his statements were true: I don’t have anything (in the materialistic sense), yet there is nothing missing from my life.

I know the posting is more of how elated he is with his father, but it did guilt me into thinking despite many years back I tried to back away from being a materialistic consumer, I haven’t really changed that much over the years.

I mean… I did sorta change in a way like I stopped retail therapy, buying stuffs just because there is a sales going on etc. I too know that it’s pretty impossible for me to live life as simple as a monk, or even near to BBC, but I would like to stop buying or doing unnecessary things or steps. Like, do I really need to have 10 different types of masks? (Mud mask, sheet mask, cleansing mask…) But at the same time I know it’s pretty impossible to move away from my parents, not having a job or spending everyday just meditating and talking about enlightenments with fellow beings. So stuffs like dressing up a little, putting on makeups is still a necessity for me.

That being said… I’m grateful I read that posting, as it serves as a reminder that life on earth is just a passing journey, and every experience is important no matter what is the duration. Not just external possessions, it serves as a reminder that I should meditation more frequently and letting go of any grudges I bear.

Wisdom

Tags

, , , , , ,

Today was a rough day. People hadn’t been kind to me, and I was affected. I had been practicing meditation, awareness, spiritually grow myself for quite some time now, but I was still affected.

And I believe I’m not the only meditator who feels this frustration- this frustration that we still haven’t reap the results despite all the effort.

But looking back, especially comparing my emotions and reactions to similar situations of the past, I then truly realized how much I’ve grown. Maybe in the past I would have thrown a book across the hall at that person, or sworn to kick the person in the ass when I got the chance to. But now, even though I’m still a little upset, I sympathize with the other person, and feel sorry he couldn’t see things in a different light and let go of that unhappiness.

So, to those out there who feels a little stuck, look back and see how far you’ve come- that would give you a big motivation to carry on. 🙂

Now, back into the topic- Wisdom

Image

I’ve gotten this book from Kong Meng San Temple, and it’s been very helpful. I had been a meditator for a while now, and things doesn’t seem to progressing. I came across this free book at the temple and seems like the Universe knows just what I need. I’ve shared a little with my boyfriend (when I’m only one-third into the book) and it’s helping with his progress tooo.

There are many types of meditations around, and most of them helps to calms the mind, let go of the tension and anxiety, and basically feels peaceful and happier. But all that goes down the drain when we are faced with defilements- that nasty boss at work, the gossipy co-worker, that rude person you met on the train who refuses to apologize to you even though he was the one who didn’t watch his way. Rather than being calmer, sometimes we feel even more agitated.

That’s when awareness comes in- we watch our own emotions when that happens, but instead of getting affected, we standing aside and watch it like a third party.

And yes, I know how it sounds- it either sounds highly impossible, or you’ve heard of it from other self-help books, but just doesn’t know how. But when you are able to do this- it means you are in control of yourself, rather than letting your emotions control you. Remember that time you you flared up, but wishing you hadn’t? Yes, that was you letting your emotions take charge.

When you are able to let your emotions rise while you watch it intently, you start to collect “data”. Why am I feeling so angry when he says that? I realized my breathes become shallow when I’m feeling intense. When you are more aware of yourself, you are able to observe and understand what gets on your nerves.

When that happens, ask yourself questions (or when you are meditating)- why did I feel so angry? Why do I feel insulted? Am I an insecure person? When you start to understand why and have insights to yourself, you grow wisdom.

When wisdom grow, you let go of unnecessary burdens, and challenging situations no longer drives you up the wall. Instead, you are able to see others who are still stuck in these vicious cycles, and just like you watching your emotions, you will be able to watch them like a third party out of this unhappy picture. 🙂

Responsibilities

Tags

, , , , , ,

To be honest, I always thought I was a real responsible person, now or as a child, comparing to a lot of other peers of my age. I always do my homework as a child, I do my own laundry, I make sure my work is always done properly. So I always thought so, until recently.

I’m blessed with good parents since I was a kid. Now, I’m blessed with the perfect boyfriend. And as a Singaporean, I’m still living with my parents, there are certain things we don’t have to do. Like making sure there’s food for dinner, socializing with the relatives. For now I don’t even have to fork out money to pay for any dine out or groceries because my boyfriend will take care of that.

However, whenever I tried to fork out the money and pay for anything, I was always overwhelmed with resistance to part with my money. It is then I realized I have so much negative energy associating with money, that I had been avoiding paying for anything by making someone else’s job.

I started doing things I haven’t been doing, that I wasn’t responsible for as a couple, as a family member.

I start taking out the trash, I realized I panicked about accidentally throwing things that we still need.
I went to pay the bills, I realized I don’t want to part with the money.
I went for a gathering, I realized how panicky I got because I fear being around a big crowd.

And I always thought I had let go so much of my attachment, but actually I just had successfully avoid all of them.

Fact is, we all want to be free. Free from responsibilities, attachments to unnecessary stuffs. When we find somebody in our life who is willing to take over the job, we gladly shun the task and let that person do it. But avoiding doesn’t make the situation any better. The only way is to face what ever monster lives inside of you head-on, and understand why in the first place is the monster living there in the first place. True detachment will come when understanding why attachment exist in the first place.

I have so many monsters to face, after taking back all the responsibilities I had handed over to my closed ones, but I know I have to face them all. After performing them, I meditate to understand the reason behind on a deeper level. Sometimes it’s a traumatic experience from the past that is stopping me, or it’s just a bad belief that had been in my system for a very long time. Either way, it’s time to let go.

Try it, you may be surprised what you may find. 🙂

The People You Dislike

Tags

, , , , , ,

ImageIt’s Chinese New Year (CNY) again, and it’s time to face people once a year that you really don’t want to.

I didn’t mean to be a bummer, but fact is I am not close to my relatives. Even not close is just an understatement, fact is we dislike one another. Well, at least for some of us.

We all have people in our life that we can’t get along, people that we just don’t wana see, people that irks us just by their sound of breathing. Sometimes we don’t even know why. And even though sometimes we do, there isn’t anything much we can do about it, not even getting them outta our faces. With the technologies these days, it’s even harder. Or even worse, you face them everyday at school or work.

Fact is, we are all unique individuals, and there will always be people that you meet that has a different opinion, different preference, different stand. Yes, some may even be thoroughly annoying, but it’s almost inevitable in life.

Every year, months before CNY, I would already start to dread it. I don’t wana go, my mind would echo. I don’t wana go. But I know I had to let that resistance go, but I have no idea how. I pondered a while, then decided to turned on the telly and procrastinate. Then that’s when the realization came to me.

You know how TV series always have the good and the bad, and how the bad can be evil to their very core and sometimes annoys the crap outta you, and comparing the character to the real-life person you dislike, the person don’t even make you feel half as bad.

That is because I don’t have any attachment for the evil tv-character, and I just see him for what he is.

You’ll always have that person around who likes to complain and does nothing about it, that nosy uncle who likes to poke his nose everywhere and gossip behind people’s back, that pessimistic cousin who thinks the worst of the world and insist that you think that way.

So I closed my eyes, sat back, and went through all the nasty people that has been bothering me for a very long time, and see them for what they really are. Once I see them as what they are, the tension in my body and negative energy are released.

We can’t change the world, we cannot get rid of people that isn’t doing any good to the world or fix them instantly. We can’t shut them out, nor avoid the same type of people for the rest of our lives, but we can choose to see them for what they really are and choose not to focus our energy on them. Sometimes they might still come into your face and remind you of how annoying they can get, but don’t give up. Because that is when you freed yourself from them and move forward in life. 🙂

The Past

Tags

, , , , , ,

It’s first day of Chinese New Year (CNY) today, and I never had been a fan of it. In fact, I had a pretty rough day yesterday and today.

To be honest, I can never say “I had a great day!” before for CNY, and it wasn’t until today, after practising spirituality for almost a year now, that I realized why.

Besides the fact that I have really nasty relatives who ask tough questions and having the habit of digging into your dark, dirty secrets and making them into a mountain out of a molehill, (besides that…) fact is, I have a lot of deep, dark, dirty secrets. Well, even though not technically, I do have a lot of shame for my past.

From love confession to boys when I was still young, to eating disorder when I was older, I never like to be reminded that I actually did those things, especially the period when I attended singing lessons and aspire to be a singer. Because I never succeed, and it always remind me what a failure I was.

Looking back at my youngish, immature and maybe even a little dumb self, I realized how much I’ve grown. And as much as I wouldn’t like to be reminded how I was like in the past, I have to admit it’s my trait of not fearing to take chances and bumping into closed doors made me turn to spirituality, which made me a better and peaceful person now.

However, despite how true is that, attending the gathering every CNY is like hey, I’m gonna go through the list of stupid things that you’ve done to remind your how dumb you were as a person. And the worst part is- to tell you that you are still that person.

So, these 2 days were my first CNY gathering that I actually sat down and reflect on my feelings. The sense of shame that overwhelmed me were raw and pink, and definitely not an easy emotion to swallow, but I did it anyway, and I did feel better after.

After writing out my whole chunk of experience, I just want to say, it’s never easy facing your past, and it will never be. But being able to overcome and accept the past for what it is, will give you a sense of peace you never had. More than just that, you will take back the key from the bullies who has the access to hurt you emotionally whenever they want. Gaining back the power can also make you go so much further in life.

It’s my first step, I have so much more to go, but you know, I’ll never give up, and I hope the same goes for you. 🙂

Fear

Tags

, , , , , ,

It’s about time I should update my blog.

Well, it’s not because I’m lazy, or because I wana abandon the blog for good, but it’s just been not so inspiring recently.

I had been working, and at the back of my mind I kept constantly reminding myself to let go of the stress and negative emotions that you normally get from work. But it haven’t been working, really. I know it’s gonna be twice as hard when you are surrounded with negative people with their negative beliefs, but I know this is not an excuse. I forgive myself when I had a bad day though, but I know I’m never gonna give up until I’m there.

There as in- detachment from my emotions, free myself from the spinning wheel of the mind, free of any external satisfaction I still crave of them, now.

Enough updates of myself, I’m moving on to one big enlightenment I have of myself recently.

I had come a long way- from fearing to fall asleep to being able to sleep, from scaring myself awake at night able to sleep soundly. I’m giving myself credits for these, but just today, I realized there is still fear in me. It’s glaringly obvious, but somehow the mind refuse to pick it up.

I am untidy, or so far as I’ve known of myself. No matter how I tidy up, no matter how much effort or determination I put in, things will still turn messy eventually somehow. I was frustrated with myself, and at a point I even asked myself to accept that as a part of me.

But the thing is, whenever I start to pick up stuffs and put them away, a voice inside my head always say, what if you need it later? what if you forget where you put? You wana throw that away? What if you regret?

I always have the fear I’m gonna somehow regret this action, even as simple as putting things away. I admit, I feel safer and more secure with the familiar, and as expected, I always hate the unknown. Even as a child, there was this one time in class I had to make a lantern out of toilet roll and I couldn’t find any, I kept a whole drawer of toilet rolls because… you know, just in case.

I haven’t figured out a way, or rather, I haven’t figured what have I experience as a child to cause this, but I decide to face it all now. Face my fear, because this is the only way to let it go.

Acceptance vs Resistance

Tags

, , , , , ,

When I got to know Law of Attraction from The Secret, it always tell you to not accept where you are (if your situation is bad, that is) and visualize the good days that you want to be in.

And that was exactly what I did back then- When I sprained my ankle, I tell myself my ankle was okay. When a nasty person was nasty to me, I tell myself she’s a nice person and I like her. I pictured the best situation and ignored the true feelings that I always feel.

And like what most teachers of LOA would say, things would turn for the better afterwards, which will be normally what you had visualized. But unfortunately, that didn’t happen for me. Things did not turn worse per se, but my emotional health did.

I was bottling up most of my negative feelings, refusing to admit their existence. While my face was probably showing my stress and anxiety, I was still forcing a smile through every situation and as much as I would not like to admit- It must not be very pretty. And as crazy as it may sound, there was a time I scared myself awake every night, feeling that bad things were about to happen to me.

That when I came across EFT (emotion freedom technique) and The Power of Now
That’s when I truly understood looking at bright side of life is never the entire story.

Ironically, we have to accept the current situation in order for things to evolve. That include facing our darkest fears, biggest anger, feeling every negative emotions that is stored inside our body, digest them, to get them out of the system. Because, having any ounce of resistance in your body, isn’t gonna help the situation at all. But that doesn’t mean we are declaring to the Universe this is our entire life, which belongs to the belief system, which is another story for another post.

With true acceptance, comes detachment. And when detachment comes, it is truly when some things doesn’t matters anymore, and with that, you will be more grateful for everything that comes along your way, and that is, when enlightenment and the good things-  comes.

I am no expert at that, because I have to admit some matter still get on my nerves. But I’m improving day by day, and that’s all it counts to my road of a better future.