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How many times have you tried to move on?
You wanna break it up with your boyfriend, you wanna look for a new job, even sometimes moving on to a new country. You wanna let go of the bad now so that you can welcome new, happy things into your life.
And sometimes even though you did moved on- You broke up with your boyfriend, you quit your job, you packed up, bought an air ticket, and you flew straight to your dream country.
But as soon as you get there, you panicked. The feeling of loss overpowers more than the sense of moving forward. You panicked. you cried, you wanna pull your hair out for making such a rash decision. You just wanna go back to the past. You closed your eyes and wished everything would go back to just like the day before. Your guilt start surging up because you have no one else to blame and this time round, you are fully responsible for any consequence.
Unfortunately, this was what I was feeling for the past month or so. In fact, every time something bad happened, something that didn’t go my way, I hear that tiny little voice in my head saying to me, this is all your doings.
It sounds horrible isn’t it?
But before you go running back or begging for people to take you back, minimizing any so-call damages, hear me out.
So I was doing exactly what I thought I was doing- minimizing damages. I made my way back to talk to someone I used to be so familiar with. On my way back, I was kinda excited, nervous. But as soon as I got onto the path that I used to walk so often, I feel the anxiety and pressure I used to feel. I thought to myself, this doesn’t feel right. But I dissed it away, telling myself I will feel better after meeting her.
Half way through the chatting, I was feeling so uncomfortable that I just wanna get away. It didn’t take long to dawn upon me- I wasn’t happy, and I will not be happy if I continue to be here. Which was the reason why I got away in the first place.
So, if you have been constantly pondering if you had made the wrong decision, took the wrong move, go back. No, I mean go back physically and take a look. Let your body and emotions bring you back to a time when you were there. If it wasn’t good, it will not bring any back any good feelings.
And when you had the same realization as I had, you will have a proper closure, and soon you will be able to flip to a new chapter.